Stuck in Our Heads - Vol. 22 - January and February 2009 - Second Anniversary Doubleheader Edition

Today I learned something from someone I don't like very much.

As is my wont, I spent a small slice of this morning drinking coffee and staring out the window that opens on to my backyard. It has been a pretty rough stretch of winter here in Our Nation's Capital, and the little germ-barges who seem to inundate the backyard have not been immune to it. As I lingered over my joe, one of them flitted down out of the trees with a chunk of cornbread about the size of a golf ball in his mouth. Now, I'm no physicist, but even I can see that a sparrow-mouth cannot take down a morsel that large without some work. It turns out the sparrow agreed with me, but not before I realized, though I had often seen a bird in that very situation, I had never watched one long enough to find out how it approaches the task. How does a little bird manage to consume a relatively huge chunk of food?

Interesting. I suppose you watch birds eat all the time. In that case, this is no news for you. As it turns out, the bird shakes its head until the small chunk in its beak breaks off. The mouthful gets tossed back with a quickness, while the remainder of the large chunk gets thrown to the ground to await the next go-round. The bird picks it back up, shakes something manageable loose again, swallows it, and repeats.

Sure. Makes sense. We've all been there. How else do you deal with biting off more than you can chew?

The thing that really got me, however, was that the sparrow didn't seem to be very good at it. He would pick up the cornbread, shake it around, claim his prize, and go back to work, but there didn't seem to be any skill involved. Sometimes the larger piece would shake loose and fall right at his feet, but it would more often bounce away far enough that the little guy had to hop over to its resting place before he could take his next cut. Had there been any competition at all, he surely would have lost the lion's share of his meal to any able-winged opponent.

I know what you're thinking. It's just a mangy little bird going about his mangy little bird business. Sure, but this is what he has to do to LIVE. It's not like this is a hobby he's just picking up. It's not some sort of avian croquet or feathery cross-stitch. This is physical sustenance we're talking about here. Why, in the name of all that's holy, hasn't this damnable winged vermin figured out how to get his grub on without it bouncing all over God's green earth?

And, that, favorite, is when I realized something: we all have to hop after the necessities some time. Just because you need it doesn't mean it's immediately at hand. Sometimes your food rolls away from you, and there's no choice but to hop on over and take another bite.

How do you deal with the cases in which another mouth is waiting to jump in your place?

Peck out an eye.

[Stats from the past year forthcoming here, along with forced champipple reference.]


Title - Artist

Chasing Pavements - Adele
Crush - David Archuleta
When I Drink - The Avett Brothers
Remote Control - Beastie Boys
Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It) - Beyonce
Black Grease - Black Angels
I'm Not Going to Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance With You - Black Kids
Raise Your Hands - Bon Jovi
Smokin - Boston
Bang On - The Breeders
16, Maybe Less - Calexico and Iron & Wine
I Want You to Want Me - Cheap Trick
Holidae In - Chingy, Ludacris & Snoop Dogg
Mr. Sandman - The Chordettes
Son's Gonna Rise - Citizen Cope
Walkin' After Midnight - Patsy Cline
Sunny Came Home - Shawn Colvin
My Other Car is a Spaceship - Commander Venus
99 Problems - Cookie Monster
November 2008 - CPR
I'm Going Home - Tim Curry
The Garden - Cut Chemist
I Will Possess Your Heart - Death Cab for Cutie
Hush - Deep Purple
The Watcher - Dr. Dre
Hampton Inn, Room 306 - Pete Droge
Mercy - Duffy
Warwick Avenue - Duffy
New World Symphony - Dvorak
Lose Yourself - Eminem
Walking on a Dream - Empire of the Sun
Hocus Pocus - Focus
Bad Mouth - Fugazi
Song #1 - Fugazi
Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa - Peter Gabriel and Hot Chip
Sexual Healing - Marvin Gaye
The Promise - Girls Aloud
Feed the Animals - GirlTalk
The Letter - Macy Gray
Sun is Shining Down - JJ Grey and Mofro
Gold to Me - Ben Harper
Littlest Birds - Jolie Holland
Love You Down - INOJ
Blood Bank - Bon Iver
Dark Blue - Jack's Mannequin
Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me - Elton John and George Michael
The Good That Won't Come Out - Rilo Kiley
Sundress - Ben Kweller
Sharing a Gibson with Martin Luther King Jr. - Lambchop
Slipped Dissolved and Loosed - Lambchop
The Ketchup Song - Las Ketchup
Hey Hey What Can I Do - Led Zeppelin
While Keytar Gently Weeps - Lemon Demon
Don't Watch Me Dancing - Little Joy
Cha Cha Cha - The Little Ones
Lady - Little River Band
Jizz in My Pants - The Lonely Island
One More Drink - Ludacris
What a Man - Linda Lyndell
Dream a Little Dream - The Mamas and the Papas
Three Little Birds - Bob Marley
In Your Atmosphere - John Mayer
Pony (It's OK) - Erin McCarley
Kids - MGMT
Can't Get You Out of My Head - Kylie Minogue
In a Big Country - Moe
Mississippi Queen - Mountain
The Bones of an Idol - The New Pornographers
Shattered (Turn the Car Around) - OAR
Heimdalsgate Like a Promethean Curse - Of Montreal
Love Train - The O'Jays
Burn and Rob - Paleface
Fuck and Run - Liz Phair
Where is My Mind? - The Pixies
Suspicious Minds - Elvis Presley
Pussy Control - Prince
Angel from Montgomery - John Prine w/ Bonnie Raitt
Reckoner - Radiohead
un gaou a oran - rai'nb fever
Delicate - Damien Rice
Emotional Rescue - The Rolling Stones
Let It Rock - Kevin Rudolf and Lil' Wayne
Devil With a Blue Dress On - Mitch Ryder
Sycamore Trees - Jimmy Scott
T-Shirt - Shontelle
Couldn't You Wait? - Silkworm
Lazy Eye - Silversun Pickups
Gin and Juice - Snoop Doggy Dogg
Womanizer - Britney Spears
Atlantic City - Bruce Springsteen
Glory Days - Bruce Springsteen
Mrs. McGrath - Bruce Springsteen
Love Story - Taylor Swift
Puttin' on the Ritz - Taco
The Cuckoo - Taj Mahal
Birdhouse in Your Soul - They Might Be Giants
Ya Ma Le - Thievery Corporation
Not Too Soon - Throwing Muses
Surfin' Bird - The Trashmen
So Cruel - U2
Who Wouldn't Wanna Be Me - Keith Urban
Just a Gigolo - Van Halen
Untouched - Veronicas
Singapore - Tom Waits
Love Lockdown - Kanye West
Stronger - Kanye West
Rump Shaker - Wreckx-n-Effect
Cheers Theme
God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen
Spongebob Squarepants Theme
The Bula Song
The Facts of Life Theme
University of Florida Fight Song